There will be a lot of obstacles.Not because of our background nor of anything. But because of what we have, that is true love. Sadly nothing is perfect. In order to survive, we must stick together and hold each other's hands. You may not see it now for it is still so far to go. But trust me, we will see the day if we are strong. Change is a must. I seriously wish u cud read my blog but unfortunately you didnt, and you will never know my feelings. But I pray u may love me and see me as the one who will be with you for the rest of ur life.
Give it a thought & you may make good changes between us.
I have already planned to write about this issue even before I started to discuss about it. I have even thought about some serious considerations before I decided to have this discussion. Unfortunately I even know that this discussion would end up badly because from the start I know where we were heading to and what the outcome was. You thought of fears, values and precedents while I am more concerned about responsibility, precaution and commitment. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that it is also about trust and faith in each other. Sadly, from the discussion we had, it has proven us that this is what we are lacking in though we kept denying it from ourselves that this is not the case. I seriously believe that one’s faith and trust are demonstrated when one is faced with major difficulties and obstacles. If you seriously have trust and faith in that particular person, you would not have rely solely on your own judgment even though it seemed ‘right’ to follow your own feeling to make a decision. Another situation is like when things are going very well and everything is going in your own accord, but if the person that you said you ‘’trusted and have faith in’ told you that you have been deceived by the good situation and you should do such and such. Will you listen? The determination of whether you truly have faith and trust in that person depends on whether you will take his advice and rely on him with all your heart.
I would like to put myself in your position and feel what is in your heart. Not just trying to understand but to feel the fear you have deep inside your heart. I want to take away that fear in your heart and turn it into something beautiful and memorable. The only question is, do you trust me enough to let me act in your life? The first step is always having faith and trust. The second is giving it a try. Putting a good fight without giving up is a must in this situation. It is not easy when your mind has been set from young age to have such a perception which leads to insecurity and distrust. It is not wrong to be like this. But problem arises when there is lack of what is essential to the relationship, and that is trust. Your decision must come from the heart and cannot be forced. It must be your own will and desire. Sadly to say, fear disallows you to see things clearly and prevents you from loving with all your heart sincerely. Fear closes your heart and refuses the light from shining into it. The only thing you are doing right now is hurting me and this relationship without even realizing it (well it is forgivable if you are not aware of it before this).
It is so sad to know that you value yourself with such measure. Yes, I have to agree that it has such a great value and it is precious. But if you are saying it like it is something that can be traded or it is something like a possession, then I guess it is something very wrong. You may disagree with what I have written on this paragraph so far. But do not make an early conclusion as you usually do. Let me explain to you more. When a person loses ‘it’, they are labeled ‘cheap and loose.’ But I do believe people will only get this sort of reputation if they sleep around with different people. You value your own confidence by such a measure. It is indeed unreasonable and disappointing. Why can’t you see a woman’s worth and confidence differently? You should build your confidence and value yourself by your own personality and brain. You have someone who is committed to you and is seriously in love with you. Shouldn’t that be a boast to your confidence and worth? What more, you are experiencing with the person who wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Unless you say I am not the one you intended to be with until the end of your life, then I guess I have to rest my case. If you seriously mean what you have been saying that I am the one, then it shouldn’t be any problem anymore. Basically you are not losing ‘it’ but you are sharing ‘it’ with the person you love and that you wanted to be with him in this entire life. What other people thinks about you doesn’t really matter. In fact you are not going to discuss it openly with your friends or people that you know. The only people ‘it’ should matter to are your loved one and you. With respect, love & commitment between lovers, no one can labeled you as ‘cheap & loose’ but the moment & bond you share with your loved one are priceless & precious which no one can take away from both of us.
I once told you that we do not have to put restrictions on our activities but we can impose conditions. Well I guess if we were to let it happen and do it, I guess there are many conditions we have to impose and one of your main concerns is frequency. I understand your worry. You might think we are going to jump on it every day or with every chance available to us. But let me assure you, that if everything is going well, I would like to suggest every month once. I think it is very appropriate and considerate with this suggestion made. But of course, it will not be like a routine. Even though we are committed to each other, should I say we will not be committed to have it every once a month, instead it is advisable we have it willingly. After all, it is all about us. Not just about me or you alone. I beg of you to let me reward you for having the willingness to trust in me by honoring the assurances that I have made to you.
I guess from the beginning you don’t even understand who you are and what you are feeling. In fact no one understands who you truly are. What they see of you from the outside doesn’t really reflect of what you are deep inside your heart. People who thought they know you have been deceived by what they see in you externally. But being with you, I have the opportunity to sink into your soul and see the beauty as well as the monster in your heart. I have the privilege to witness the true reflection of you. I am sad because the decision you made earlier has somehow weakened the bond we are sharing. More, you have put aside this issue and placed it somewhere else. It is like an injured man has been abandoned at the road side bleeding and waiting to die. If it continues this way, it is just a matter of time when this bond will break and fade away. The truth is there is no firm faith and strong trust in each other. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you are staying with me is because of true love which has its own precise definition or because you refused to get out of your own comfort zone which you have been placed a year ago. We have somehow done it before in the past with some restrictions applied. I understand we did not want to rush by then. We wanted to build the confidence and commitment for each other. But when it is the time to take this relationship to the next level. You refused. Does that consider as an indication of lack of trust and faith? Maybe you have not loved me enough to give me completely of you. I will not force you. Even if I managed to convince you to do it, I do not want you to cry each time you see me. I do not want to be your sadness and nightmare. All I wanted to become is someone you can love, rely on and give yourself completely to. I want you to see me as your joy and happiness. But you care too much about other people perception towards you until you have neglected and hurt the person that really matters. You even rejected the invitation of staying over even though I have giving you my assurance. Oh! How weak is your faith! How good if you can realize how beautiful our love is and all the privileges we have been blessed with? I see it as an expression of love and in fact I feel love each time we make out, but you see it as dirty and impure. I am your loved one and your steady, the person who is committed to you and the one you intended to be with for the entire of your life. Saying that making out with me is dirty and will impure your body is an insult to me. Have I slept around and prostituted my body with other women? Nope. But it seemed you are like trying to say that my body would dirty you as if I have already dirtied myself by sleeping with other women.
I am not writing this to change your mind or to threaten you to follow my way. Since we have discussed about it and have made a decision, I have no intention to go through a second round of torture and stressful discussion. But I need you to know what is in my mind and how I feel about the whole situation. My objective is to make you feel, not just want you to understand. I can make you bow down to my demand by pressure by using words and explanations, but it will defeat the purpose of me writing this, because at the end of the day, what I am longing from you is what comes from the heart, not from the mind alone. It is with love, trust and faith that will open up your heart and allows you to give yourself completely. Honestly, deep inside my heart, I seriously wish you would pick up your phone and tell me that you feel me & you agree with me. But I am not putting any high hopes as I do not wish to be let down again. Whatever our relationship will be in the future, I do not dare to make any conclusions. But you will know how it will end eventually if there are no trust and faith between us. However, whatever we want it to be, it is within our own will and power with God’s mercy. Today let me re-assure you, even if you still refused to trust and have faith in me, I’ll still be with you until everything fails. I’ll still love you without reserving myself. Yes it hurts, this is what love is all about, isn’t it? When you love till it hurts, it is true love indeed. I am happy each time I feel the pain, because I know I have succeeded in loving you more. I’ll take it as an achievement & blessing. God bless us.
R.I.P to the snail who got killed last Sunday. You will have my prayer and may God keep you with Him. For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on this snail. Amen!
Falling in love and love are two different things. Falling in love is always the first step towards love. More, falling in love is about attraction and seduction. Trust me, falling in love makes u feel crazy ( yes it will!) and excited while love makes you feel calm, comfortable and mental.
Some say that when you fall in love, there's nothing you can do, it is very illogical indeed. The feeling just hit you and you cant avoid it. Somehow you cant control the feelings you have for the particular person and she/he has the power over you. True? Sometimes it even goes against our belief or our sense even we may understand that we cant expect anything good from it but still cant do anything to ourselves. Personally iam scared to fall in love. Each time I knew that I would fall in love, i would somehow hold back and run away from it. Each time I fall for someone, it never seems to last. As a consequence, it is very hard for me to fall for someone any longer because i knew that it would be useless to do so though there's nothing i could do but the disappointment and the pain were so great until the mood wasnt there for me any longer. Sad case indeed. But with God's grace and mercy, recently I have found someone that I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with. I know I shouldnt have conluded this so fast in truth. However if it is meant to be then yes i truly believe that we are made for each other.
There will be time when the period of falling in love will be over but wait, it is not a bad thing. It can be also a beginning for something more serious..something beautiful and could lasts for a very long time, possibly forever. I have to admit that when a couple gets to know each other more, the less sharp, excited the feeling gets ( but please understand that heady passion may not last, but love does) However this is not the issue here for today. In a stable relationship, expectation will somehow become an issue ( when both decided to go far together) and it has always become a integral part of a relationship. Why not? Afterall, someone who is in love has the full right to have anticipation from his or her loved one. But expectation sometimes can pose serious problems to one's relationship. It is important to give your love partner freedom to fulfill your needs in THEIR OWN best ways. It is always said that the lovers should always communicate their needs and problems with each other. But when it comes to communicating one’s expectations, then most of the people shy away from doing so as they expect their beloveds to themselves find out the expectations and some even view this as a test of their love. For my case, I would prefer being honest and discuss about our expectations and objectives in our relationship with my love partner face to face. The issue here is we have talked about it but no obvious actions have been taken so far. It is not that iam expecting that she will love me the way i love her nor she has to love as much as i love her...NOPE! This is truly not the way a relationship should be. But what i have been expecting is at least she's more sensitive and caring in the way that she would not neglect my feelings in any situations. Erm..I would expect her to have the desire of knowing in everything I do. Maybe she has her own ways of showing her love but is it effective enough? If it is not, does a different approach needed? Maybe in a more aggressive and possessive way? Perhaps? I don't know. But if you were to think about it, those expectations that i have mentioned are some of the fundamental needs of one's relationship...caring and being sensitive to one's feelings. So are these too much to ask? Maybe she never has many words to express herself, but does her action strong enough to strike through my heart and soul? Yes her actions have touched me so deeply in many ways and I just wanted more from her coz it never fails to make me fall in love over again with her.
You can never expect your partner to love as much as you love her/him. This is a very true statement. However it is reasonable to say that your love partner should provide you with a certain acceptable level of love and care if not as much as you feel for him/her. Well everyone has his/her own life besides than playing a role in their relationship but I wish that she would understand that it is important to work out on something so that both of the parties wont feel cold or lonely. Maybe somehow I feel that she has not love me as much as she has loved her previous partner. It is not about egoism nor posession but when you are in a relationship with someone, you would expected him/her to love you with all her/his heart (note: loving you with all her/his heart is not the same with you expecting your partner to love you as much as you love him/her). The question is has she given me as much as she has given to her previous partner? Maybe she has been badly hurt and disappointed by her previous relationship. How would you feel if you have given so much love and hope in a relationship without any expectation but in the end all you got is disappointment and hurt? As a consequence, she has been guarding her heart and not willing to open her heart completely to love even without herself realizing it. I have never blamed her for this. But iam devastated because I feel that I deserve all her love and faith whole heartedly more than anyone else on earth. Right now what i can do is to be there for her, shower with her my love so that she can really feel me so that she could trust me and give me her heart completely. Maybe it will take few days, few months, few years or perhaps never. I dont know. It is solely depending on her. But no matter what, I have decided to love her with all my heart and be there for her through good and bad times. I have never promised her a 'fairy tale' romantic relationship. Yes, we are facing alot of temptation and difficulties in our early stage of our relationship, i have to admit this. But we are happy together while we are journeying together in this relationship no matter what happens. Though sometimes we maybe disappointed and sad with each other, but we know our love is stronger and more powerful than those disappointment and sadness. Our problems are not to break us apart, but working together on our problems in this relationship make us stronger in love.
You see, if she would to ask me what is wrong and what can we do. Erm.. seriously, I dont really know. But can I give a suggestion instead? Many lovers have been complaining that their gestures of love are lost unnoticed at many times and that is what happening to us right now.Many people take the love and affection of their partners for granted. It is the worst mistake that lead their love affair to a chaotic whirlpool. Many people enjoy their loved one roaming around them like a honeybee and covering them with praises. But alas! When the time arises for them to show a sign of affection, their ego simply pulls them away from the action. The issue is we do feel the love for each other but we dont really feel the love that we are capable of giving to each other. It is time to put aside your ago, pride and subbornness and go to your lover, open your heart, look into her/his eyes and tell her/him, ' I love you for the rest of my life and I am willing to give completely my heart, my soul, my body and future to you...and i trust you that you will take good care of me.' This act will bring your lover to express the suppressed emotions and feelings towards you. Miraculously, they will also consider you as the most romantic person on earth.
Before all these, I would like to touch on a related issue briefly. You see, I have to say that words are tools, and words are powerful. When you say something it has a very power impact on someone. Different words have different impacts on different people. Very true indeed. It is good to say, ' I love you' or ' I will leave never you' or perhaps ' til death do us part' and trust me it is very easy to say those words to your loved ones. However, how many people really meant what they say knowing the true impacts of those words to those people they are saying it to? Alot of people saying it without understand the reality as it really is. When they considered whether they mean what they said, they were actually considering those words based on the current situation without putting real thoughts into the future. And even if they do, there are high chances they were fantasizing about the future without seriously feeling it. This imagination is very dangerous, because each one can completely distance him or herself from reality. One may thought that they could handle the temptation (influence), difficulties when they were considering whether those 'words' they said to their loved ones. But when it comes to the point when to finally do or prove what they have been saying, the person discovers that the situation is not the same and he/she cant handle the temptations of difficulties that she thought she could handle. What happens then? A big disappointment. It may also lead to the destruction of one's relationship. So what can one do? Set your mind and heart that your loved one comes first in your life, and no matter how much suffering you are going to bear in the future, and even if it means death, you will still be with your loved one, andif your loved one really loves you, he will balance things up and will never let you down, and love will grow deeper and more sincere in many ways. Trust me, everything starts with an intention and then ACTION.....not just word.
Expectations and dreams add more sizzle to your romantic life. Always encourage your lover to expect something more from you and dream together to make your love life wonderful. This is definately the first step, that is, to have the intention to live your life forever with your loved one. However, do not be disappointed if things doesnt turn out the way you wanted to be just as long you have got sufficient attention from your loved one and you know he has been loving you with all his heart and soul completely. And....this you can expect from him and you will never fall. Afterall, all his attention and love are what you wanted in your relationship and everything will fall to its place nicely.
The title of this article that iam about the write sounded like those sexual movies where you could find the man cheating on his wife and in return the 'loving' wife would killed the husband with the cooking knife. Now you could imagine how these three different but related ingredients could affect one's relationship in a big way and in...different ways.....trust, betrayal and love ( sounded very cool ar!)
Hell no! If right now you are thinking that iam about to equip you with some few tricks to avoid being murdered while maintaining 'trust, betrayal love' ingredients in one's relationship. In fact Iam about to explain what are trust, betrayal and love and what are the impacts on one's relationship.
You see, if you are looking for a serious relationship, faithfulness is the key to the success of the relationship itself. Once faithfulness is not in it, then betrayal of trust will start appearing in the picture. Of course, lust and temptation would also be there to 'enhance' the relationship as well. Two simple general rules are a flirt is not a good candidate for marriage and anyone who partners a flirt is partnering with failure. Yes! I dare to make these two BIG statements and i have already made it!
Once your partner has flirted with other girls, then it is considered betrayal of trust. He has lost respect for you. Worse still, once a precedent has been set, there are high chances of him flirting again, of course, with other females. What iam trying to emphasize here is flirting destroy one's relationship. Trust comes crumbling down and the relationship is at the verge of failure. But eh? hold on....is trust that important? Well i can tell you TRUST IS EVERYTHING. Trust is like no matter what happens, you know that everything will be alright and that your partner will always be faithful to you, yes, you alone and no body else! Without trust, what's the use of having a relationship? And...what's the use of having a relationship when you are feeling insecure? Why would you trust a man when he tells you that he is in love with you while his action doesnt show it?
Maybe in some cases, one party may wanted to repair the damage and save the relationship. But before you make a contingency plan ( gosh i love this word ' contingency') ask yourself, how many times he has done it and how many chances you have given him? there's a saying that goes, 'once bitten, twice shy, twice bitten, shame on me.' So if your boyfriend has betrayed you for the 2nd time, then shame on you. Well maybe some of you reading would say that forgiveness is the essential ingredient in one's relationship too. Well i have to agree with you all. BUT.... there are some times when the guilty partner receives forgiveness from the victim partner, has the guilty partner TRULY learned from the lesson and appreciated what he has received? If yes, why would there be a second time of betrayal of trust? Ask yourself. You see, sometimes it is very easy to take things for granted when u could seek forgiveness so easily especially when the partner ( usually female) are the soft hearted kinds. When the betrayal of trust hit the 2nd time, the victim partner must wake up and walk away from the relationship. Anyways, action speaks louder than word..... if his action has proven that he is not a good candidate for long term relationship and marriage...why are you still here??? Again, ask yourself. No crime is bigger than a flirt in one's relationship and the flirting party should be sentenced to death.
In this civilized and modern world. it is impossible not to include money and career in a love discussion. Well in this case, iam not referring to those certain people who are eyeing love just for money. If u thought of this, then u have misunderstood me indeed. In fact iam saying that love needs money to survive too, especially when you are thinking of marriage life later. Well since iam not a working adult nor a married man, i would like to tell you about this from a 21 years old college student's prospective. In this competitive world, especially in Asia countries, education is the most important asset that one has or must have. You see, let's be realistic, it shows your status in one's society and reflects your mentality as well. But wait, what it has to do with love anyways? Well it is a very simple logic. If one posesses a good qualification, one will get good career and good career comes with high salary. If one were to think of getting into serious relationship, getting married, buying a house and bringing up few children of your own, then it will involved money. And now who says love and money do not click together??? But ask yourself, is your partner going to the same direction as yours? Is he sharing the same dream as yours? Is he doing something bout it? Does his qualification or the field he wanted to join is on demand in the market? Is he doing well in his studies? Is he up to the standard as yours? Is he able to graduate at the same time or before you with the same standard of qualification that you are pursuing? With the amount of time given, should he be where he is at now? Is he trying hard enough? Well maybe some of you reading this would critisize me for being so realisitc. But let's face it, when love is in fantasy dream land, it is not true love afterall as it has not face the hard knocks in the world but if a love remains still love after experiencing difficulties, then it is true love indeed.
Well i was born and raised in a middle class family. But i believe that with hard work and prayers, i could succeed in the very near future ( amen!) so that i could have a good life and provide the finest things in life for my parents and my future family. I have this mentality and this is what has been keeping me going throughout my education journey. I call it 'motivation.' You see, when you are with your partner (especially for females), again, you have to ask yourself that how many chances u have given your partner to prove himself in his studies? Maybe he has started to work hard or maybe he has started to change. Maybe it is not enough. Maybe it is not sufficient for both of you to build a family and grow old. Maybe both of you are not meant to be. It started back then and it ended here. Maybe last time if the partner were to work hard and excel in his studies, then he is faithful and has plan for the relationship's future ( commitment) but if he has been foolling around and screwed up his studies (which is closely connected to the relationship) then it is also a form of betrayal of trust as he has breached the commitment of the relationship.
Maybe he would say that he would be rich someday...yah someday...but what are his plans of getting rich or even earn sufficiently to provide for his future family? If he cant even manage his own personal finances and in fact, burden himself with debts and not able to repay, what has he proven so far? Yes, maybe he has proven something: that he is not capable of handling long term relationship. There must be some real actions instead of just promises and words. Let's be realistic and face it. If he were to tell you that he is going to strike a lottery in the near future, then tell me how many probabilities he will strike one? while waiting for him to hit the jackpot, you will be the one left hanging with uncertainties. There's no financial security in one's relationship.
It is partially true when one says that a sexual long term relationship is formed by him + her = US. In fact the accurate equation should be him + her+ them = US. Har? Who are exactly them? Well the 'them' are actually your family members, relatives and friends. When you are into a long term serious relationship, you wanted to make known to everyone and seek the green light from your parents (and maybe from your siblings) If approval is not given and one insists to continue the relationship, then conflict will arises. If it doesnt, then there should be some existence of disappointments. how one could actually proceed with one's relationship with non-approvals and disagreements? In fact it is a disgrace to the family taken into considerations with what i have mentioned above. This is a no-worth fight. Why make your own life miserable when family members and relative or even friends look down on your partner because of his society status, career and family background? This world is unfair. Deal with it. If your partner cant mix with your own circle of friends, then how he is able to understand you clearly? and here it goes, there's a communication barrier. Why betray your own family members and friends for someone who doesnt deserve it?
A fine lady, of course, expects her partner to treat her like a real fine woman. A true man must know how to keep his woman happy and surround her with laugther and joy. Most importantly, he must know how to shower her with love and provide her the assurance that he will always be there for her no matter what, let's call this 'security' . Threatening your own partner with abuse and physical violence is a no-no, if he does, then he doesnt deserve a woman. A faithful man must give all his attentions to the lady he loves, and no one else. If he doesnt, then it is best to call off the relationship. Yes indeed, do not make your woman cry with sadness, if not, then you have not performed your responsibility well as her man. Sometimes those small details are important. opening the door for your woman, keep her close to you when she's with you, ask her how she feels, be sensitive in whatever she does, be with her during her important days such as b'day and during her times of difficulty. If he doesnt do these, then he is not a true man. A man will always concern his woman's safety and will never put her in danger. All these duties are actually part of the commitment in a relationship and if these duties have not been performed by the man, then it is also another form of betrayal of trust.
Well, everything has its own time. Maybe your partner had his time to prove himself. And he failed. Maybe he tried, maybe he did, but not enough indicates that it is the end for both of you. Time has proven everything. It doesnt even serve the purpose of maintaining the relationship as it wont go far anymore. It just stuck there, waiting someone to clean up the mess. Maybe someone fated to be your lifetime partner is out there...somewhere waiting for you. God knows. Maybe it is time to start thinking for yourself and your family. There's only one lifetime and it is now, enjoy the things u deserve and fight for the things which are worth fighting for only. Don't waste it. Things could become better after him, it is not the end. You'll have my word. At the same time, it is acceptable to say that it is hard to let go, obviously, one will feel sad & depressed when it comes to separation. But at the end of the day, it is about doing the right thing instead of doing what you feel. It has to be done at the nearest time, as the longer it goes, the deeper the cut. If you ever feel that you don't have the courage to do so, iam always here for you.
Ah, another entry on love and again. Remember the lines that go: And I'm aware...I'm in love but you don't care? Yep, you guessed it, my binding theme for this entry.
Honestly, I was quite hesitant to write about thisbecause I feel quite strongly about the said lines. I didn't want to trash it or do it such vile injustice.But I also thought a lot of people would more or lessrelate to this topic because I guess at some pointthey had once "loved" a person who seemed to beutterly clueless and oblivious to the his or heraffection. The one-sided phenomenon.
When you think you've fallen for someone, the only thing that seems to matter is for that person to approximately reciprocate the way you feel for him orher. You make that person like you. But sometimes that making-him-like-me process can be so excruciating!It's always a load of mind games and the over-analysisof things. Especially if you're like me who tends toshred everything into bits, every minute detail,nothing is spared. I view this so-called process as achallenge but sometimes, challenges aren't so fun anymore when the goal is too out of sight and out ofreach. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, themore you sink. It's standing on shaky ground, or inthis case, no ground at all. No one's going to catchyou. Maybe it's only for the stalwart-hearted and thestrong-willed soul.
But in end, who enjoys pursuing someone who doesn'tseem to give a damn? Who enjoys being hurt all toooften? We reach a point where self-love enters the picture. We could choose to continue but we know we shouldn't. Maybe it's time to realize that note verything goes the way we it to regardless of how persistent we are.
I'm in love but you don't care. Maybe she does care.But not enough. Maybe she does find you wonderful and fun and nice. But not enough. And perhaps, she does like you. But not enough. It's not enough for her to let down her guard, to take a step closer. And knowingwith all that was said, that nothing is enough, youshould find in that enough reason to slowly let go.That you do deserve someone better. With love along with all its stupidity and beauty, there comes a point where you realize you don't want to listen to sad love songs, or watch drippy movies, or read schmaltzy stories, you want the real thing not a mere reflection of it. So there, it's time to stop. Stop not because you're hurting, not because you're sad, not because you're scared. BUT because YOU LOVE. More.
The title of this essay introduces a topic that may be difficult for Muslims, or for readers who have friends or acquaintances who are Muslims. It is a difficulty I share with all of them. My best friend is a Muslim, and I have two students who are Muslims. They are all very kind individuals, and, I would say, they are peaceful. Indeed, despite the popular portrayal of Muslims on the evening news, the vast majority of Muslims are normal, faithful, peaceful people, going about their daily lives with no intention of blowing up anyone or burning anyone’s flag. (Many in the West deny this, but they typically do so because they have never so much as talked to a Muslim). Nevertheless, this essay isn’t about Muslims; it’s about Islam. It’s about the religion, not the practitioners of the religion. To understand what I mean here, consider the following scenario. Suppose someone were to come up to me and ask, “David, is Islam a religion of peace?” My answer would not be “Yes” or “No.” Rather, my response would be, “First tell me what you mean when you say ‘Islam,’ for it is a term that is used in different ways.” If by “Islam” we mean the religion that is practiced by more than a billion people around the world, I could reasonably answer with a qualified “Yes,” because it is a religion of peace for many people (though not for all). But if by “Islam” we mean the religion taught by Muhammad, I would have to respond with a resounding “No.” At this point my Muslim readers will be saying to themselves, “What does this infidel mean? There is only one Islam, perfectly preserved in the Holy Qur’an from the time it was given to Prophet Muhammad by the angel Gabriel.” However, much like the idea that the Qur’an has been perfectly preserved, the idea that Islam has only one face is completely false. There has always been a psychological crisis in Islam, and if I were to diagnose it as having a particular mental illness, I would probably argue that it suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder.[1] Islam has never been able to decide whether it wants to live in peace with unbelievers, or to pile their severed, unbelieving heads into a giant pyramid. I’m sure many would disagree here, but they would be disagreeing with one of the most empirically verifiable facts in the universe. Think about it. One Muslim beheads an innocent woman to protest the war in Iraq, while another Muslim curses him for slaying the innocent. One group of Muslims flies an aircraft into a building, while another group condemns the attack. One Muslim steps onto a bus with pounds of explosives strapped under his jacket, while another Muslim teaches philosophy at an American university. Each person or group quotes the Qur’an to support its actions. However, it may be even more important to note that each of them has followed the example of Muhammad. The reason that Islam suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder is that its founder also suffered from this disorder. I don’t mean this to be taken literally, of course. It is only meant to describe a peculiar phenomenon that went on in Muhammad’s head. When Muhammad first began receiving his “revelations,” many of his neighbors in the city of Mecca took it upon themselves to mock and persecute him. Muhammad was a threat both to their immoral lifestyles and to their source of wealth (the pagan idols of the city brought plenty of revenue), and so he had to be stopped, or at least discredited. During this period, Muhammad was humble, devout in every way, obedient to the message handed down to him, faithful in giving to the poor, and, in general, an outstanding moral example. In essence, he was like the many fine examples of dedicated Muslims we see in the world today. He preached a religion of peace, and the Qur’anic revelations received at this time reflected his peaceful temperament. Then something happened. Muhammad fled Mecca and moved to Medina, where his political power rapidly increased. Soon he and his followers began raiding caravans to support the fledgling religion,[2] and, while Muhammad’s enemies multiplied, so did his followers. What followed can only be described as a reign of terror for those who refused to submit to Islam. Both men and women were slaughtered for writing satirical poems against Muhammad, and those who left the Islamic faith were to be exterminated. One woman was murdered in the dark for writing a poem against Muhammad; after she was slain, Muhammad declared that “Two goats won’t butt their heads about her.”[3] Hundreds of Jews were beheaded (after surrendering) for standing against Muhammad, and their wives and children were sold into slavery.[4] A blind man who was reportedly more than a hundred years old had his head split open for saying that, if he could only see, he would throw a handful of dust at Muhammad.[5] When a man named Uqba was about to be killed by Muslims and showed concern for his family by asking, “But who will look after my children, O Muhammad?” Muhammad answered by telling the doomed man that Hell would take care of them.[6] There are, of course, far more examples of violence than the ones listed here, but these should be sufficient to provide a picture of Muhammad’s idea of how Muslims should treat those who refuse to submit to Islam. Was Islam a religion of peace for the 600-900 Jewish men and boys whose heads were piled into trenches after they had surrendered? Was Islam a religion of peace for the woman whose infant son had to be pulled away from her breast so that she could be stabbed to death? Was it a religion of peace for anyone who dared to speak out against Muhammad? When Muhammad finally had a band of dedicated followers who would obey his violent commands without question, Islam was not a religion of peace. Notice that we have approached this question regarding the nature of Islam using a basic historical analysis. Discussions about Islam typically revolve around certain verses in the Qur’an, but such discussions are often fruitless. The reason for this is that the Qur’an is very inconsistent in its approach towards unbelievers, due in large part to Muhammad’s own inconsistency. In conversations about Islam, a Muslim may argue that, according to the Qur’an, “There is no compulsion in religion” (2:256). A critic may reply with a very different passage: Fight those who do not believe in Allah, nor in the latter day, nor do they prohibit what Allah and His Apostle have prohibited, nor follow the religion of truth, out of those who have been given the Book, until they pay the tax in acknowledgment of superiority and they are in a state of subjection (9:29). To this the Muslim replies, “Yes, it says to fight those who do not believe, but it is referring to unbelievers who attack Islam.” Thus, according to many Muslims, Islam fights, but only in self-defense. So who’s right? The solution to the debate lies in a historical examination of Islam. It is true that Muslims are only permitted to attack when threatened, but history shows what the early Muslims considered a threat. Anything other than complete submission to Islam was regarded as a threat to Islam, and so anything other than complete submission was met with extreme hostility. Even poetry and song lyrics, when used against Muhammad, were enough to warrant a sentence of death.[7] Hence, the verses in the Qur’an that teach Muslims to live in peace should be examined within the historical context of Muhammad’s life, for it is this life that sheds light on an apparently ambiguous message. This historical context also sheds light on modern aspects of Islam, which ultimately derive from the life of its founder. For instance, more than thirteen centuries ago, the peaceful Muhammad fled Mecca because of intense persecution. As he fled the city, he left the path of peace farther and farther behind him. He eventually returned at the head of an army, and few were brave enough to oppose him. Islamic law was suddenly supreme, with a host of bloody tales to warn its enemies. A similar phenomenon occurs in the world today. When Muslims are in the minority (as they are in America) the message is always “Let us live in peace with one another, for Islam is a religion of tolerance and understanding.” Then, once Islam has spread throughout the country, the message suddenly changes to “Anyone who stands against the Prophet is worthy of death!” Oddly enough, this tactic has been remarkably successful for Islam. Despite more than a thousand years of bloodshed, many people are convinced that Muhammad was a gentle, humble man who never harmed anyone, and that Islam teaches its followers to be at peace with everyone who hasn’t declared war on them. Then, when someone like Osama bin Laden organizes a group of Muslims in an attack against thousands of innocent people, everyone says that he must be insane. Yet, in a curious way, Osama bin Laden is really more dedicated to true Islam than most Muslims are. If Muhammad tells Muslims to fight in the name of God and demonstrates what he means by killing men, women, and children for even minor resistance, what should a dedicated Muslim do? Should devout Muslims live in peace with the infidels around them, or should they follow Muhammad’s example by murdering the infidels in their beds?[8] I’m very happy that most Muslims are willing to live in peace with their neighbors. Yet we have to be honest here. Muslims aren’t peaceful because they are following the example set by Muhammad. They are peaceful because they’ve chosen to do what’s right, and because they are willing to live far better lives than Muhammad himself lived. In fact, many Muslims are such kind, peaceful, and gentle people that they seem to be following the example set by another great religious leader—one who died on the cross for the sins of the world and rose from the dead to prove his message. This man gave his listeners the following warning: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:15). And, may I add, we should also watch out for false religions, which come to us crying “Peace! Peace!” when they were built on a foundation of murder and bloodshed.
It is true that God never judges us based on our deeds or actions. If he were to do so, i guess all of us would be thown into the fire of Hell. Just as long we are breathing, we are given the opportunity, or should i say, privilege to choose between the Good and the Bad. It is when the time we die, the judgement will be set. Yes, indeed, that Purgatory do exists. It is the final 'soul purification' after Death. It is for those souls needing purification that go to Purgatory while those with Mortal sins will banished into the fire of Hell. Souls that are purified will be lifted into Heaven. So here is the great question: if there is such place, why we should do good on earth just as long we never commit any Mortal sins since we could purify our souls at Purgatory? To me , this is indeed a very dangerous thinking. If we ever sin, we must pay for it. There fore, in order to purify our sins, we must accept certain painful punishment ( now i know the true meaning of ' nothing is free!'). In fact St Augustine described that the fire of purifying is more painful than anything a man can suffer in this life. It is true that the fate of those in Purgatory depends on the actions of those who are living on earth. This is why it is important that we should pray for the souls in Purgatory. In my opinion, reciting the Rosary is always the most powerful and effective method of praying for those who have gone to this place. The Eastern Orthodox Church and the protestants reject the existance of Purgatory. Only the Catholics do accept the existance of it.
Knowing the facts, it is still hard not to sin or perhaps offend the God. Temptations. I have sinned alot recently. As i'm getting older my resistence has been getting weaker and weaker each passing day. I need some strong will to lead a holy life.
Name: David Yuen Home: Kuala Lumpur, Cheras, Malaysia About Me: I am an ACCA student and a Toastmaster member in Sunway University College. See my complete profile
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